Ewen McKenzie has rubbished Steve Hansen's claim that Kurtley Beale was selected for Saturday's Bledisloe Cup clash to keep the Waratahs star out of the clutches of rugby league.
Will the Wallabies be celebrating tonight? Source: News Corp Australia
THE humiliation must end. Now.
If the Wallabies fail to regain rugby's coveted Bledisloe Cup this year, it will mark New Zealand's 12th consecutive title, equalling the all-time record. The smug Kiwis living in our midst will never let you hear the end of it.
MORE: Ultimate Bledisloe Cup preview
The series starts at Sydney's ANZ Stadium tonight. Ever the optimists, we've come up with five reasons why the Wallabies will win back the Bledisloe ... and for the sake of fairness, five reasons why they won't.
Michael Hooper flies gracefully through the air. Source: News Corp Australia
THE WALLABIES WILL WIN BECAUSE ...
1. They're super-duper-mega-ultra-confident
You may have heard about the NSW Waratahs. They just won their first Super Rugby title, beating a Kiwi team, the Crusaders, by one point in the final. More importantly, they did it by chucking the ball all over the place, which is how any Australian side with a skerrick of talent should play.
The Tahs' confidence appears to have rubbed off on the rest of the Wallabies. That's encouraging because they won't beat the All Blacks if they're already scared senseless before the haka starts.
The NSW Waratahs celebrate their victory in the Super Rugby final. Source: News Corp Australia
2. New Zealand's star underwear model is injured
A long career of gruelling semi-naked photo shoots has finally worn down Dan Carter's body. The celebrated Jockeys model, who also happens to be the highest pointscorer in the history of international rugby, will miss the first two Bledisloe Cup matches because there's a small crack in his fibula. Perhaps that will create a small crack in New Zealand's composure.
Dan Carter won't be there to put his hands on the Bledisloe Cup this time. Source: Getty Images
3. They still call Australia home
There are three Bledisloe Cup Tests this year, in Sydney, Auckland and Brisbane. The geography nerds among you will know that two of those cities are in a country called Australia, and are therefore full of tipsy people in yellow shirts who are happy to shout loudly while pretending to know the rules of rugby.
Of course, the All Blacks haven't lost in New Zealand since 2009 — they're riding a 33-match winning streak over there — so we can probably write off the Auckland game. But the Wallabies don't need to win that one anyway. The two home matches give them a genuine chance.
These guys could help get the Wallabies over the line. Source: Getty Images
4. Israel Folau is a rugby demon
Israel Folau is the world's most dangerous player. A few Kiwis might argue with that assertion — Marmite does crazy things to the brain in large doses — but he is the only Australian player who genuinely makes them nervous.
Folau just scored 11 tries during the Super Rugby season, adding to the 10 he claimed for the Wallabies last year. If he is anywhere near his absurd best, Australia will score enough points to win. They'll just have to defend well too.
Israel Folau will be the Wallabies' biggest threat against the All Blacks. Source: News Corp Australia
5. Droughts are breaking en masse this year
Well, "en masse" might be pushing it. But the Waratahs ended one of Australian rugby's most famous droughts just a few weeks ago by winning their first Super Rugby title, and before that, the NSW rugby league team halted Queensland's State of Origin streak at eight series. If those sides can do it, why can't the Wallabies?
NSW rugby league players celebrate their victory in this year's State of Origin series. Source: News Corp Australia
THE WALLABIES WILL LOSE BECAUSE ...
1. Holy Foley, there are some weird selections
The spectacularly talented Kurtley Beale has been selected at flyhalf for Australia, displacing his Waratahs teammate Bernard Foley, who was excellent against France in June. All Blacks coach Steve Hansen was "gobsmacked" when that decision was announced, and he wasn't alone. Foley is easily better than Beale at controlling the game — a rather important trait for a Test flyhalf.
Meanwhile, specialist centres Rob Horne and Pat McCabe have been picked on the wings. Both are fantastic tacklers, but I wonder how good they are at catching high balls?
Wallabies flyhalf Kurtley Beale. Source: News Corp Australia
2. New Zealand has a streaky deaky record
The All Blacks are after their 18th consecutive Test win, which would equal the world record for tier one nations. They were unbeaten last year. Incredibly, they have only lost to one team (England) since the last World Cup. If recent history means anything at all, we should be pessimistic.
Then again, the Kiwis were also sitting on 17 wins in a row when they played the Wallabies in Brisbane two years ago. That game ended in a draw.
Steve Hansen and Richie McCaw share smug expressions after their final victory of 2013. Source: Getty Images
3. Their forwards might monster us
Australia's hooker, Nathan Charles, who has played 20 minutes of Test rugby, will go up against Dane Coles, who looks a bit like the kid from Two and a Half Men but sidesteps like Matt Giteau.
The All Blacks have a better scrum. They have better locks, so lineouts could be tricky, and their loose forward trio (Jerome Kaino, Richie McCaw and Keiran Read) is probably one of the greatest in history, let alone the world today. None of that sounds good for the Wallabies.
Dane Coles. See what I mean? Source: Getty Images
4. Their backs might outsmart us
Last November, the All Blacks played Ireland at Lansdowne Road. When the full-time siren sounded, they were losing by five points and attacking 70 metres away from the tryline. But there was no panic — calmly, methodically, the All Blacks worked their way upfield, and two minutes later they scored the decisive try.
New Zealand wins so many close Test matches because it plays smart, cool-headed rugby. We shouldn't expect anything different in this series.
Kiwi flyhalf Aaron Cruden. Source: News Limited
5. The stadium could turn into a swamp
This might sound mundane, but rain is forecast for Sydney over the weekend, with showers starting around noon and turning into thunderstorms by Sunday. Even light drizzle will force the Wallabies to play more conservatively, and the more time the ball spends among the forwards, the lower Australia's chances of victory.
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