‘Joyless, mean-spirited gargoyles’

Oh Joffrey, how we hate you. Source: Supplied

OPINION by Rowena Grant-Frost

A couple of days ago, Tony Abbott, Prime Minister of this great land and famed defender of a woman's right to iron and a man's right to wear Speedos, said that he wasn't about to let the government "turn into some sort of Game of Thrones".

Aside from the obvious problems with genre and realism (i.e. there are very few dragons in federal Parliament and not one of them can breathe fire), I'm just going to be honest: this will never happen. This will never, ever, ever happen.

There are things worth living for and dying for in Game of Thrones.

Game of Thrones is excellent.

A great number of people actually want to watch Game of Thrones. Some of them even say it might be "the best television show ever".

Oh Jon Snow ... we'd rather watch you than Parliament any day. Source: Supplied

Nobody says this about federal Parliament. If federal Parliament were a television show, it would be endlessly repetitive and slow-talking, with a stated aim of trying to make its audience go crazy.

Dialogue would go something like this:

Character #1: "How was your day?"

Character #2: "I'm glad you asked me that. Because I'm committed to making sure we have good days. Let's not just make today a good day. But every day."

Character #1: "But … how was your day? Today? I was asking about today. You know … how was your day?"

Character #2: "Today is just the start of a long process. We must be committed in the long term to good days. Today is just one day of many."

Character #1: "…"

Parliament: a terrible sitcom of doublespeak. Source: News Corp Australia

If you haven't changed the channel by now, you're a more patient person than I am.

It makes me angry.

It all makes me angry. Other than the Doublespeak and the squiggly answers to straightforward questions, I'm angry about the shameful lack of ambition for Australia and our future. I can't think of a single person who has offered something great we can work towards. I can't think of a single person who doesn't make me want to crawl into a small ball and scream.

Instead, all we get are visions of despair and chaos: we are vulnerable, everything is in crisis, we are not safe. Terrorists are coming to get us and if they don't get us, the environment will. Oh, and there's a "budget emergency" and a leadership spill. Have I mentioned "intergenerational theft"? There are also sharks.

This is Australia. There will always be sharks.

Did we mention there were sharks? Source: AFP

Federal politics, basically, is a cauldron of joyless, mean-spirited gargoyles who have a miserly, cynical and pessimistic view of Australia and what we could become. They aren't committed to anything other than themselves and their own power — which they cling to, like lifebuoys in a storm.

These are our elected leaders. This is our democracy.

They are all a bunch of Joffreys.

Nobody wins in the droning white noise of Federal politics (thankfully nobody dies, either). But if politics were more like Game of Thrones, we might actually have someone to cheer for.

You can follow Rowena Grant-Frost @rowenaboggle

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